Get Energy Smart! NOW!

Blogging for a sustainable energy future.

Get Energy Smart!  NOW! header image 2

If a TV weather forecaster went off script …

September 4th, 2012 · 1 Comment

What if (in the vein of Network and “I’m mad as hell and not going to take it anymore”) a weather forecaster went truly off script and expressed, with the passion it merits, the seriousness of our climate situation?

With that question in mind, here is a look at what the Labor Day weekend forecast should have been in a reality-based world.

Full transcript after the fold and a hat tip to the creators.

The American Meteorological Society (AMS) recently updated its climate change statement which is substantive, long, and worth reading.

Forecast the Facts is working to foster more serious climate discussion by meteorologists while shining light who propagate falsehoods about climate science.

And, as to why that matters, see Daniel Souweine’s Hey, weather man: Where’s the climate coverage?

INT: TV Newsroom

NEWS ANCHOR KAI: Well, it’s the labour day weekend. Last chance to lounge by that pool and wrap up your summer reading list. Pippa’s standing by with the full forecast - Pippa, looks like that nice warm weather’s not quite ready to leave.

METEOROLOGIST PIPPA: I don’t know why you imagine that it would! We’ve broken thousands of temperature records across the country and the planet this year — in fact, we’re heading into the 329th consecutive month with a global temperature above the 20th century average.

NEWS ANCHOR KAI: Definitely time to light up that barbecue.

METEOROLOGIST PIPPA: Yes, the barbecue.

NEWS ANCHOR KAI: Well, I think the folks at home are probably wondering about the old seven day forecast.

METEOROLOGIST PIPPA: OK, sure. Right. Let’s start up north. Wayy up north in the Arctic circle. This week, satellites measured the smallest area of arctic sea ice coverage IN RECORDED HISTORY. That’s 4 million square kilometres of ice MISSING since the 1980s. THAT’S BIGGER THAN INDIA! And it’s happening so quickly, some researchers are now forecasting a summer with no ice in the arctic ocean within ten years. So instead of a bright white sheet reflecting sunlight back into space, that means dark water sucking up even more heat, making it melt faster and faster! Most scientists prefer the friendlier term ‘feedback loop’, but I’m inclined to call it what it is, an inescapable death spiral.

NEWS ANCHOR KAI: I think there’s a feedback loop in my earpiece. I believe I just heard myself ask you for the weather report.

METEOROLOGIST PIPPA: This is the weather report! This is what’s happening! Scientists are telling us we can put 565 more gigatons of carbon into the atmosphere before global temperatures rise by 2 degrees, which is the universally accepted threshold of total mayhem. Except if you add up the proven reserves of fossil fuels controlled by the world’s energy companies — the oil and gas and coal we currently plan to burn — that amount is five times the safe limit! So if you think it’s bad now, just wait and see what hell we’re going to unleash once we start drilling under the arctic and digging up the tar sands so you can drive the three blocks to get an iced capp–

(her mic is cut)

(shouting into the studio)

You think all this extreme weather is a coincidence? You want the weather report? This is the reality report!

NEWS ANCHOR KAI: So all in all, a great Labour Day Weekend … and good times for the air conditioner industry.

METEOROLOGIST PIPPA: (shouting off-camera) Until the power goes out, you moron!

NEWS ANCHOR KAI: In other news, Chavril madness is sweeping the nation. Canada’s royal couple of rock was spotted canoodling _________

PIPPA TACKLES KAI

CUT TO TEST PATTERN - “PLEASE STAND BY”

As for Network, if you’ve never seen or wish to watch again …

Tags: climate change

1 response so far ↓

Leave a Comment